please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize