did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
