I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
