the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
