I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Randomize
