AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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