He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
