Got a toothbrush?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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