Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
My pussy is not your playground.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
