I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
