Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I need to align my fucking chakras
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
