i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
sex in a hospital.. check
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
