very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize