..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
