I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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