His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
