when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
