honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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