i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
