There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Semen is not good for contacts.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
