she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
