I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It's blow job season.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
