So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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