That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
