totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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