Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
