Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
