I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Come share oat with me in your robe
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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