Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Fuck appropriateness.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
