our cab driver is having phone sex.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
