you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
