I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how my cats smell like pot.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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