I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
