Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
