i need an iv and a liver transplant
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
