I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
This is classic penis vs brain.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
