where am i from again
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
