The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
