The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
