The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
