Me too!
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
