Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
