Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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