His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
