If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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