Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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