I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
