I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
