it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
