All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
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I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
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You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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