Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
