A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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