If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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