My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
