Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
