I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
