My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
