this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
