Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
