sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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