Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
