dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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