I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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