I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You left your phone here
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