O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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