Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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