i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
