therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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