What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
