Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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