Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
