You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
