shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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