Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
