Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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